‘The universe doesn’t play by my rules’

Three days into the new year and I have been pondering on the past year and everything that’s happened to me. One of the hardest lessons is the daily realisation that the universe does not play by my rules. A few months ago a very good friend recommended the book Cognitive Behavioural Therapy For Dummies to me. My first thought was that I dislike self-help books, but what harm would it do right?! So I started reading the book in conjunction with following some positive thinking hypnotherapy, which I will discuss in a later post. The book helps readers identify certain scenarios, how one would react and encourages the reader to find alternative ways to deal with certain situations. It has been an easy book to read with loads of helpful practical examples. So it got me thinking about my anxiety and depression and how isolating it can be. It really is the loneliest place to be. People deal with things in different ways and I now find myself thinking about my relationships with so many people in my life and how it has contributed to my mental health wether positive or negative.

For so many years I neglected myself and gone above and beyond for others showing complete disregard to myself and my own mental health. No matter how poisonous a friendship was I always believed ( I still do ) that there’s good in everyone. So on my lonely planet of isolation and depression this self-help book helped me realise that I have absolutely no control over others and how they react. This might all seem so obvious, but I always expected to be treated with the same thoughtfulness as I have shown to others, but I have learnt not everyone thinks the way I do and not everyone will treat me the way I would like to be treated. That is the harsh reality of the world we live in today. My parents always taught me to treat others the way I would like to be treated. I now teach my kids the same, but with the caveat that no matter how people treat me the power is within my response. Throughout last year I found myself losing so many people I considered to be my friends, but looking back they never were, for those who are stuck around and supported and are still supporting me throughout my journey of recovery. Life can be cruel at times, but the most valuable lesson I have learnt is to show appreciation to those who support me, to ensure I tell them how much I love them and show them how much I appreciate them through my actions. Doing this has made me feel so much better, because I have learnt to focus my love and attention on those who love me back. I am grateful for the lessons of 2018 and to my friends who supported me, Thank you. To my husband I love you and I thank you for your patience and for loving me regardless.

So what did 2018 teach me? Something I read recently sums it up perfectly:

1. ‘No response is a response’
2. ‘if they wanted to, they would’
3. ‘not everyone has the same heart as you’
4. the universe doesn’t play by my rules
5. love and appreciate the ones who love you back

These are the lessons I’ve learnt, and I am truly grateful that I did. Because of these lessons I now find myself in a place where I can openly talk about my mental health without fear of judgement. If anyone judges me, my power is within my response, not their actions or words. I am by no means nonsensical as I know there will be challenges, but I am equipping myself with arsenal through each chapter I read, each therapy session and even through blogging about my journey.