Rollercoaster of life with anxiety
Each day living with anxiety and depression is like being on a continuous emotional rollercoaster. This morning I woke up feeling physically and emotionally drained. Lifting my head off the pillow when my alarm went off was like trying to move a ten ton truck with my bare hands. I had to make myself find the strength to get up, make breakfast for my kids and drop them off. Doing something so simple left me feeling like I’ve ran a marathon. I slumped down on my sofa and sat for what felt like hours staring through my living room window looking at absolutely nothing at all.
When anxiety hits me it comes so suddenly and unexpectedly. It can be the most wonderful day, but without warning it rears it’s ugly head and completely knocks me out. The monstrosity of living with anxiety is all consuming. Rational thinking evaporates, it becomes non existent. The thoughts of inadequacy fills me with such sadness. I feel like a failure. My hands were sweaty, my heart raced and the tears ran freely down my cheeks. Unable to breathe, unable to stop myself from crying I slid down into the floor holding onto my knees. I cried until I couldn’t cry anymore. With my eyes swollen I eventually got up and somehow found the courage to embark on yet another school run. The journey to school felt long and arduous, but I made it. I smiled for my kids, hugged them so tight whilst fighting back the tears because with them there is no judgement just pure and unconditional love.