Yesterday was international women’s day, a day to celebrate the female species. I woke up feeling amazing. Like I can conquer the world. I felt so empowered and uplifted by all the positive endorsement of women and all the greatness they contribute to our society.
I felt motivated and powerful because it is the day that I too am celebrated for I am a woman. The positivity around the day swept me away and I found myself being carried away by the stream of positivity that I for the first time had the confidence and courage to post a picture of myself on my social media. I have always intended to keep my face off my social media and therefore keeping my blog anonymous to many of my readers. I never intended to show my face. From the moment I posted my picture on Instagram I had a pit in my stomach. Anxiety hit me for the first time in weeks like a ton of bricks. My palms were clammy, my arms were numb and my legs felt like they weighed a ton. I could barely move. The world now new what I look like and the confidence I felt drifted away and disappeared like a thief in the night. It was as if it never existed. As if I never felt any confidence at all. My stomach was in knots. I could barely eat and I felt so drained emotionally, but I had to keep it together for the sake of my children. I completed the school run and did what I had to, but deep down inside my soul I felt like I was slowly dying. After months of positive thinking and so much progress I found myself slipping into the darkness again. This was so unexpected and I was not prepared for it, but suddenly out of the blue I received a lovely message from a complete stranger on Instagram followed by another and another.
I was completely blown away. These ladies messaged me, a complete stranger sending me words of encouragement that felt so sincere. As I sat on my floor trying to slow my breathing and stop the panic attack I could feel is about to hit me, I opened and read the messages and I felt the air coming back into my lungs. I sat staring at the messages and comments reading it over and over until it made sense. It wasn’t cryptic at all, but in that moment of pure panic it didn’t make sense so I read it over and over until I understood every word.
This shows the power of a woman. We all have the ability to uplift and encourage the world. These ladies messaged me and with one in particular I felt so comfortable to share a tiny snippet of my journey which is something I have never done before, at least not with someone I don’t not know personally. Life has a funny way of teaching us valuable lessons, we just need to be willing to accept it. I have kept my picture on Instagram and woke up this morning with a renewed sense of confidence and love for my fellow species. They have showed me what a big and positive effect kind words can have on someone. Their kindness again proved to me that I am not alone and that I should reach out when I am need of help. So many times I don’t because I am too afraid to do so. The fear becomes so overwhelming that you feel discombobulated.
Today I arose with a new sense of confidence and A spring in my step. For the first time in months I spoke to a complete stranger bonding with him over our love for dogs and our children. He too has two boys. It felt amazing. Usually when my anxiety hits I am stuck in that rut for days, however this time was different. I suppose a positive to take from it is that I was able to bounce back after just one day and that is something that hasn’t happened in a long time. I was able to move forward and leave yesterday where it belongs, in the past. My focus today changed, I smiled again and I found myself able to enjoy the beauty of my day. My silver lining is in the fact that I now know I am stronger than my anxiety and I can beat this monster.