Life begins at the end of your comfort zone

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone

Week three of mental health awareness month started off with working on essays. As many of you know I am also a psychology student hoping to one day be a mental health therapist. So this week started with working on final essays and in true form I decided to change my hair colour instead. Procrastination at it’s best. So now I am no longer blonde but instead a sultry brunette. I set off mental health awareness month with one goal in mind and that is to start building on my confidence and I have worked hard the first week, however week two I was ill and in bed. So this week I got up, dressed up and turned up.

I may not feel completely healthy again, but I’m building on my confidence and through this process I have come to realise how far I have come, but also how much work I still have to do. Over the past few months I have never thought of how much of myself I have lost in such great detail. Although my house has been my safe place it has also held me prisoner. I have been a prisoner in my own home at my own doing.

I chose to stay in because at times it is so much easier than facing the world with a fake smile. But I have for so many months been my own oppressor. I have stopped myself from doing the things I love and enjoy most, and in turn I have lost not just my confidence, but also my independence. I know very well that my mental health is what stopped me, but even in my recovery I still chose to Imprison myself because it became so much easier than facing the world head on, and easier to accept that I have lost my independence and have become so reliant on those closest to me. I have been chained to them and my home and my desire to go out and be me again was lost. I have become complacent in my recovery.

My intentions were to finish all my essays before our family holiday, however with being sick it was just impossible for me to complete 3 big essays in one week. Instead I have completed one, the other is half done and one still to start. We drove a 500 mile journey from Scotland to Dover then boarded a p&o ferry to Calais in France. The journey was long, but scenic. This holiday is very different to previous holidays. We’ve always stayed in 5 star hotels, but this time we decided to go camping in France. Well not the traditional camping of staying in a tent. I’m not ready for that kind of camping yet. We are renting a cabin with so many amenities and it is conveniently located just outside Paris. It’s a far cry from the hotels with butlers and room service we are used to, but the kids love it here and it is so peaceful and relaxing. Just what I needed. Being away has helped me forget about my anxiety.

I am in a strange country where they speak a language I do not understand, but I feel so at ease. Maybe it is because I am away from my normal surroundings or maybe it’s simply because I know I am on holiday. Whatever the reason may be I am so happy that for the first time in months I feel at ease around a bunch of strangers, communicating freely with them and I am feeling so relaxed in this moment. Being away from my own prison is just what I needed. I am away from my comfort zone and it feels as if my life has just begun.

I feel an indescribable sense of calmness. The noises in my head has been silenced and that, I think, is all due to being far away from my comfort zone, my home, my neighbourhood. The fear of judgement doesn’t exist here because I know that none of these people know me or the struggles I have been through. Although I am not 100 % myself, or rather the self I’d like to be again, I am still able to have a great time and block out the wars raging in my head. It’s as if a seize fire has been called and all parties agreed. My only wish is that this current peace treaty would last a life time, but I know at some point the anxiety will return. I may sound negative saying it, but I’m not nonsensical, I know it will return, I just hope that with every experience I will get stronger and better equipped to deal with it when my peace are disturbed again. I also hope that when the wars in my head do erupt again, that I will be able to find my way back to the peace I am experiencing right now!

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8 thoughts on “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone

  1. Samantha Haines 19th May 2019 — 9:30 pm

    I’m so glad that being on holiday is giving you some freedom from your anxiety and hopefully you’ll be able to take a little of it home. Time to enjoy and revel in it whilst you are away though xx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You know, I’ve lived in different countries and started from scratch there. The possibility of starting again and building a new identity has helped me immensely with leaving stuff behind that doesn’t need to be on my mind all the time. And when you meet people, you can choose what to tell them about yourself and when. It just feels like more control altogether which is nice sometimes. Your thoughts are always inspiring xx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sounds like you were definitely overdue for a vacation! I’m glad you’ve been able to find some peace. Enjoy it!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Nice post! I can really relate to your point of the home becoming a prison where we are our own jail keepers. I do something similar as well. The home is familiar and comfortable. I know what to expect. Beyond its walls a bit of uncertainty. I believe I stay inside the walls almost out of habit. Thank you for sharing this post. Good luck with your studies!

    Roger

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Roger! Your support means the world!!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I also find that going away on holiday can give me a (temporary) reprieve from my anxieties and mental illnesses. I’m not sure if a part of it is that lack of expectations placed on me when we are away, and the freedom of not feeling like I am being watched or might do something wrong or to make people assume I am better and more capable than I am.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think it could be a combination of things for me. I found myself feeling more at ease amongst strangers than people around my neighbourhood. Since I got back my anxiety has flared up again and I’m struggling to eat, but I’m working on it. I wish you all the best in your recovery lovely. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment. It means the world! Xx

      Liked by 1 person

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