Nearly two months ago I started a new job. Training was short and sweet but for the most part enjoyable. Usually training can be arduous and boring but, it wasn’t.
I really enjoy my job but, the last couple of days I have found myself hindered with self doubt. I know that I’m good with people and I do have,as they say in Scotland, the gift of the gob. If you don’t know, it means I’m quite chatty to say the least.
The last two days the doubts have started to creep in. I suddenly felt less confident in my own ability. I second guess everything decision I make even when I’m confident I have done the right thing. I like to be thorough in my job and I may take a little longer than others but, I am comfortable in the knowledge that I have left not stone unturned.
Today was especially a difficult day for me. Not because what I have been doing was particularly challenging, but because I allowed a colleague to place little seeds of doubt in my head. He was very critical of me and how I handle my work. It was negative criticism wrapped in a sarcastic attempt at a joke. I’ve ignored this since we started but, today it just got to me and it left me feeling frustrated. For the first time in a very long time I allowed someone else’s negativity to get to me. It caught me by surprise and I wasn’t prepared for it.
My work can be stressful, but it’s never gotten to me. I enjoy the challenge. He just got to me. I left work frustrated and disappointed because I allowed this person to get to me. I have learnt to pick my battles however, today especially I was unsuccessful and lost. I lost the battle against allowing others to influence how I view my self and my abilities. For the most part I am really good with people and yes I am very lenient and tolerant and this can be a downside but, I believe when you work with people you have to be. There’s of course a time where you have to be firm and that is something I can be too.
Instead of telling him to back off, I allowed him to get to me. I am extremely disappointed in myself, but I have to find the upside of it all. I’ve done a good job, my clients are happy and after writing this post I am able to let it go. Work is work and will always have its ups and downs but, at least I was able too let it go and. It allow it to spill into my family time.
The one thing I have learnt throughout my mental health journey is to always find the positive in every situation even when there seem to be none. Twists and turns will always be part of the journey. How we deal with it is what matters. It is another lesson I can take from this and work on bettering myself. My journey is not complete. I will keep learning lessons throughout it. I guess the bonus is I am able to learn from it and an opportunity to implement the lessons I am learning.
Twists and turns published first on beautyofmychaoticmind.com
Thank you for reading! Much love ‘M’