Nearly two months ago I started a new job. Training was short and sweet but for the most part enjoyable. Usually training can be arduous and boring but, it wasn’t.
I really enjoy my job but, the last couple of days I have found myself hindered with self doubt. I know that I’m good with people and I do have,as they say in Scotland, the gift of the gob. If you don’t know, it means I’m quite chatty to say the least.
The last two days the doubts have started to creep in. I suddenly felt less confident in my own ability. I second guess everything decision I make even when I’m confident I have done the right thing. I like to be thorough in my job and I may take a little longer than others but, I am comfortable in the knowledge that I have left not stone unturned.
Today was especially a difficult day for me. Not because what I have been doing was particularly challenging, but because I allowed a colleague to place little seeds of doubt in my head. He was very critical of me and how I handle my work. It was negative criticism wrapped in a sarcastic attempt at a joke. I’ve ignored this since we started but, today it just got to me and it left me feeling frustrated. For the first time in a very long time I allowed someone else’s negativity to get to me. It caught me by surprise and I wasn’t prepared for it.
My work can be stressful, but it’s never gotten to me. I enjoy the challenge. He just got to me. I left work frustrated and disappointed because I allowed this person to get to me. I have learnt to pick my battles however, today especially I was unsuccessful and lost. I lost the battle against allowing others to influence how I view my self and my abilities. For the most part I am really good with people and yes I am very lenient and tolerant and this can be a downside but, I believe when you work with people you have to be. There’s of course a time where you have to be firm and that is something I can be too.
Instead of telling him to back off, I allowed him to get to me. I am extremely disappointed in myself, but I have to find the upside of it all. I’ve done a good job, my clients are happy and after writing this post I am able to let it go. Work is work and will always have its ups and downs but, at least I was able too let it go and. It allow it to spill into my family time.
The one thing I have learnt throughout my mental health journey is to always find the positive in every situation even when there seem to be none. Twists and turns will always be part of the journey. How we deal with it is what matters. It is another lesson I can take from this and work on bettering myself. My journey is not complete. I will keep learning lessons throughout it. I guess the bonus is I am able to learn from it and an opportunity to implement the lessons I am learning.
Twists and turns published first on beautyofmychaoticmind.com
Thank you for reading! Much love ‘M’
Beauty of my chaotic mind 
Next time just ask him/her what’s the problem. More often than not people back up and sometimes they take notice of how much of a prick they were being! 😉 Hope you’re feeling better now, your confident self is still there! Xx
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Thank you so much. You know I thought about that, but at the time I didn’t. I can learn from it and I know next time I’ll not be as nice about it. This was a little bump on my road, but I feel even more confident now because I walked into a meeting today as was described as the office ray of sunshine! 🤣 so gave me a massive boost! Thank you so much for reading!! Xx
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Good job! I believe it takes a very strong person to walk away and let things go. There’s a lot of negativity go on in this world. Most of it stems from unhappiness. Maybe God gave you this opportunity to teach him something. Thank you for sharing! ❤
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I know all too well how it feels to be criticised at work, particularly when you feel like you’re doing everything you can (someone once emailed me the words ‘I realise this means nothing to you’, despite the fact I’d been making a huge amount of effort to make them happy). What I mean to say is that you definitely shouldn’t feel bad about feeling upset – sometimes it’s natural to get upset, even if on another day you wouldn’t have batted an eye. I get the impression that your job means a lot to you and that you’re great at it – so that person’s probably just feeling intimidated 😉
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Thank you hun. I don’t he think believed me until he saw me freak out! It’s so sad knowing that people can be so mean. I’m so sorry about your experience!! Xx
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We also imbue the gift of gab in Newfoundland, Canada! Large Scottish population there… Grew up next to Stavanger Drive and Aberdeen Avenue. Situated next to the Glen Fiddich golf club.
Hope all is OK ❤️
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Oh wow! It’s gorgeous up there!! My husband has family in Canada but not a clue where. I’m doing better now. Thank you so much lovely! I hope you still have ceilidh’s 😜xx
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Oh yes, although we call them kitchen parties!
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Haha I love that!!
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Aww the links not working 😭
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https://yout u.be/GwncXRkmut8
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